Katelyn Arterburn


In the chaos of daily life, it’s easy for important conversations to get lost in the shuffle. Between work, kids, and endless to-do lists, critical topics like house projects, finances, upcoming travel, and even emotional well-being can fall by the wayside. That’s why my partner and I have established a weekly meeting we lovingly call "Family Operations" or simply "Family Ops."

This dedicated time isn’t just about logistics—it’s about staying connected, ensuring we’re on the same page, and avoiding the buildup of resentment that can sneak into even the strongest relationships. Here’s why our weekly check-in is a non-negotiable part of our lives and how it helps us navigate the complexities of family life with grace and teamwork.

#### The Power of Regular Communication

At its core, our Family Ops meeting is about communication. It’s a chance to touch base on everything from the practical to the personal, ensuring that nothing important slips through the cracks. Whether we’re discussing upcoming trips, the week’s logistics, or our shared finances, this time helps us stay aligned and reduces misunderstandings.

By setting aside this regular time, we create a space where both of us can express concerns, share updates, and make plans without the pressure of day-to-day distractions. It’s a proactive approach to managing our lives, one that helps prevent small issues from becoming big problems.

#### Our Family Ops Agenda

We’ve developed a specific agenda that keeps our meetings focused and productive. Here’s how it works:

1. **Gottman Check-In for Couples:**
   We start with the [Gottman Check-In](https://integrationscounseling.com/gottman-checkin.pdf), a practice designed to strengthen our emotional connection. This is a streamlined version of the Gottman Relationship Checkup, focusing on daily connection and communication.

   - **Appreciations:** We each share something we appreciate about the other, whether it’s a kind gesture, a shared moment, or a quality we admire.
   - **New Information:** This is where we update each other on anything the other might not know—thoughts, experiences, or feelings from the past week.
   - **Puzzles:** If there’s something one of us doesn’t understand about the other’s behavior or a recent experience, we ask questions to gain clarity.
   - **Concerns with Requests for Change:** We gently bring up anything that’s bothering us, paired with a specific request for change. The focus here is on expressing feelings without criticism.
   - **Wishes, Hopes, and Dreams:** Finally, we share any aspirations, big or small. This helps us stay connected to each other’s goals and dreams.

2. **Copy Over Tasks:**
   After the emotional check-in, we move on to the practical side. We start by copying over any tasks from the previous meeting that still need attention. This ensures nothing gets forgotten.

3. **Prioritize This Meeting's Topics:**
   Next, we prioritize what needs to be discussed in this meeting. This might include upcoming events in the calendar, work schedules, meal planning, logistics for the kids, or scheduling our next date night. We utilize our [Family Values](https://www.integrationscounseling.com/importance-of-family-values) to help us make decisions around any of these topics.

4. **Plan for Upcoming Tasks/Travel/Meetings:**
   Finally, we look ahead to the coming week (or beyond) and plan for any tasks, travel, or meetings. This helps us stay organized and reduces last-minute stress.

#### The Role of Organization Tools in Family Ops

To keep our Family Ops meetings organized and efficient, we use [Notion](https://www.notion.so/) as our family organizer. It’s a powerful tool that helps us stay in the know, with all our topics, tasks, and plans in one place. We can easily add to our shared list of topics throughout the week, ensuring that nothing gets overlooked.

But it doesn't have to be complicated. When we first started, we used a simple [Google Doc](https://docs.google.com/), updating it weekly with new topics. The key is to find a system that works for you—whether it's a sophisticated tool like [Notion](https://www.notion.so/) or a basic document—what matters is that it keeps you both informed and aligned.

#### The Benefits of a Weekly Check-In

This structured approach to communication has had a profound impact on our relationship and family life. By dedicating time each week to discuss both the emotional and logistical aspects of our lives, we’ve created a partnership based on trust, understanding, and mutual support.

- **Reduces Resentment:** Small annoyances can build up if left unaddressed. Our check-ins give us a safe space to express concerns before they turn into resentment.
- **Increases Efficiency:** By planning ahead, we’re more efficient in managing our time, reducing the chances of things falling through the cracks.
- **Strengthens Connection:** Regularly sharing appreciations, dreams, and concerns helps us stay emotionally connected and aligned on our life goals.

#### How to Start Your Own Family Ops Meeting

If you’re inspired to start your own weekly check-in, here’s a simple guide to get started:

1. **Set a Consistent Time:** We’ve found that meeting for an hour on Friday mornings after we drop the kids off at school works best for us. Trying to have these meetings in the evenings wasn’t consistent with our schedules or energy levels. Choose a time that works for both of you, ideally when you’re both free from distractions.
2. **Create an Agenda:** Having a structure helps keep the meeting on track. You can use our agenda as a starting point and adjust it to fit your needs.
3. **Use a Shared Organizer:** Whether it’s a tool like Notion or a simple Google Doc, having a shared space for your topics and tasks is invaluable.
4. **Be Open and Honest:** The key to these meetings is honest communication. Approach them with an open mind and a willingness to listen.
5. **Stay Flexible:** While structure is important, be flexible enough to adapt the meeting to your needs on any given week.

#### Conclusion

Our weekly Family Ops meetings have become a cornerstone of our relationship, helping us navigate the challenges of family life with ease and collaboration. By dedicating this time to both emotional check-ins and practical planning, we’ve built a stronger, more connected partnership. Whether you’re dealing with keeping your home in harmony, managing your kids’ schedules, or just trying to keep the peace, a weekly check-in can be a game-changer in maintaining harmony and connection in your home.

Save and share this post with a couple who might find this valuable. Follow [@therapy.with.katelyn](https://www.instagram.com/therapy.with.katelyn) for more insights and support. If you're interesting in learning more about how my husband and I run our family ops meetings, don't hesitate to [connect with me](https://www.integrationscounseling.com/contact) today.


Strengthen your relationship and stay organized with a weekly Family Ops meeting. Discover how regular check-ins on logistics, finances, and emotional well-being can keep your family connected and harmonious.

Family Ops: The Essential Weekly Meeting for Every Household


In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy to get swept up in the immediate demands of parenting, work, and household responsibilities. But amidst all this, it's crucial to step back and think about what truly matters: the values that guide our family. These values are the foundation upon which we build our relationships, make decisions, and raise our children.

Creating family values isn’t something that happens by accident—it’s an intentional process that requires time, reflection, and open conversation. One of the most effective ways we've found to focus on this process is by setting aside dedicated time, like a quiet evening after the kids are in bed, to dive deep into what we want our family to stand for.

### The Importance of Family Values

Family values are the guiding principles that shape the way we live our lives together. They influence everything from how we handle conflicts and make decisions to how we support each other and celebrate successes. Without a clear set of values, it’s easy to drift through life, reacting to whatever comes our way rather than proactively creating the life we want.

For us, establishing our family values was a way to ensure that we’re all on the same page, working towards the same goals. It’s about creating a sense of unity and purpose, so everyone—parents and kids alike—knows what we stand for and how we want to interact with the world and each other.

### Our Process for Creating Family Values

We recently dedicated an evening to this important exercise, using a date night as the perfect opportunity to reflect on what matters most to us as a family. Here’s how we approached it:

1. **Reflecting on Our Experiences:** We started by looking back at our shared experiences, identifying moments that brought us the most joy and connection. We discussed what these moments had in common and how they could translate into core values for our family.

2. **Discussing Our Aspirations:** Next, we talked about the future—what kind of family we want to be and the environment we want to create for our kids. This discussion helped us identify values that would guide us in building that future.

3. **Reaching a Consensus:** It was important to ensure that both of us felt heard and aligned. We didn’t rush this process; instead, we allowed the conversation to flow naturally, ensuring that our values reflected both of our perspectives.

4. **Documenting Our Values:** Once we agreed on our values, we wrote them down. This step was crucial because it gave us a reference point to revisit and refine as needed.

### The Outcome: A Stronger, More Aligned Family

The values we identified now serve as a compass for our family. They guide our decisions, shape our interactions, and help us stay connected even when life gets chaotic.

1. Simple Playfulness
2. Capacity to Nurture
3. Intentional Experience
4. Feeling Lucky
5. Optimizing for Ease

This exercise wasn’t just a one-time conversation; it was the beginning of an ongoing dialogue that we plan to revisit regularly. As our kids grow and our lives change, our values may evolve, but the process of reflecting on and discussing them will remain a cornerstone of our family life.

### How to Create Your Own Family Values

If you haven’t yet established your family values, consider dedicating an evening to this process. Here’s a simple approach to get started:

1. **Set the Scene:** Choose a quiet, comfortable time—like a date night at home when the kids are asleep—where you can have an uninterrupted conversation.

2. **Reflect Together:** Discuss your shared experiences and aspirations, focusing on what brings your family joy and fulfillment.

3. **Identify Core Values:** Based on your reflections, identify a set of values that will guide your family’s actions and decisions.

4. **Write Them Down:** Document your values so you can revisit and refine them as your family evolves.

Creating family values is an intentional and powerful way to ensure that your family stays aligned, connected, and focused on what truly matters. By taking the time to reflect on and articulate these values, you’re not just shaping the present—you’re building a legacy that will guide your family for years to come. Whether you use a quiet evening or a special date night, the time spent on this exercise will be one of the most valuable investments you can make in your family’s future.

Save and share this post with a fellow mom who might find this valuable. Follow [@therapy.with.katelyn](https://www.instagram.com/therapy.with.katelyn) for more insights and support. 💗

If you're interesting in learning more about family values, don't hesitate to [connect with me](https://www.integrationscounseling.com/contact) today. All of my clients receive a free family values worksheet to help them get started.


Learn how to create and cultivate meaningful family values that will guide your family toward a more connected and purposeful life.

Building Family Values: The Foundation of a Strong Family


As the holiday season approaches, the air fills with the scent of cinnamon, the sound of festive music, and the glimmer of holiday lights. But for many moms, this season also brings an invisible yet heavy burden: the mental load of holiday preparations. This blog post is dedicated to all the mothers navigating this busy time of the year. Discover more about [motherhood](/categories/motherhood) and its challenges during the holiday season.

1. **Understanding the Mental Load:**
The mental load refers to the constant planning, organizing, and managing of family life, which intensifies during the holidays. From planning meals to buying gifts, arranging family gatherings, and decorating the house, moms often find themselves juggling numerous tasks at once. This invisible work, though often unnoticed, can be mentally exhausting and overwhelming.
2. **Acknowledging Your Efforts:**
First and foremost, it's important to acknowledge the hard work you put into making the holidays special for your family. Your efforts, though sometimes unseen, create the magic that your family cherishes. Remember, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and it's crucial to acknowledge the weight of what you carry.
3. **Seeking Support:**
One of the best ways to manage the mental load is by asking for help. Delegate tasks to family members, involve your partner, or even seek external help if possible. Remember, it’s not solely your responsibility to ensure a perfect holiday season.
4. **Setting Realistic Expectations:**
It's easy to fall into the trap of wanting to create a 'perfect' holiday experience. However, setting realistic expectations can significantly reduce stress. Understand that it's okay if everything is not picture-perfect. The joy of the season lies in togetherness, not perfection. Learn more about this balance in our article on [the duality of joy and grief during the holidays](/the-duality-of-joy-and-grief-during-the-holidays).
5. **Carving Out Time for Yourself:**
In the hustle and bustle of the season, take time for self-care. Whether it's a quiet cup of coffee, a walk in the park, or simply sitting down to read a book, these moments of solitude can help rejuvenate your mind and soul.
6. **Embracing the Joy:**
Despite the challenges, try to find moments of joy in the little things - the laughter of your children, the warmth of family, or the beauty of winter. Let these moments remind you of the true essence of the holiday season.

In conclusion, the holiday season for moms can be as demanding as it is delightful. It's a balancing act between making it special for the family and taking care of your own mental health. Remember, it's okay to let go of the quest for perfection and instead, embrace the imperfect yet beautiful moments that the holidays bring.

Remember: ✨You are worthy, deserving of love, and capable of growth. 🌱💗


Delve into the often overlooked mental load mothers bear during the holidays in our latest blog post. From juggling festive preparations to managing family life, we explore the challenges and offer tips for seeking support, setting realistic expectations, and finding joy amidst the hustle. It's a tribute to every mother striving to balance the demands and delights of the season, reminding them of their worth and the importance of self-care.

Showing posts from Family category

Family Ops: The Essential Weekly Meeting for Every Household

Building Family Values: The Foundation of a Strong Family

Navigating the Mental Load of the Holiday Season